Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
