end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
