why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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