The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
