My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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