I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
