Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
