Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
