Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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