i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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