Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
