I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
