i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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