why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
