I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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