i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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