She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
