Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
