my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
