careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
