So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
