we should wear snuggies to the strip club
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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