i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
