This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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