I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
