Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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