member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
