Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
