Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
