I faked an abortion last night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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