Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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