I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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