i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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