Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
