your thong is hanging out like whoa
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
