I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
