you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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