Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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