im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
