I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
