Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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