I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
