The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
