she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
