Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
