he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
