when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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