We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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