And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
