So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
