how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
