i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
