Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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